I called Emily this morning and told her I am burnt out. It’s Feb. 22. It’s grey outside. It’s winter and winter sucks. And 90% of my interacts with people revolve around suffering. I’m tired of it. I’m burnt out. I don’t want to suffer right now. I want to play. I want to escape. I think it’s a “seven” thing (enneagram). We/I just get to a point where I don’t want to do it anymore.
its the sense that something is shifting. As I’ve gotten older I have learned to pay more attention to the signs. This one started with my knee. My damn knee. I ran 41.3 miles a few weeks back for an ultra marathon. It was awesome. I love doing that stuff. Everything felt good. Later that same week, I started back into my routine. I did 4-5 miles. couple days later, I did 8. and I could hardly walk after. It was bad. Pain and swelling. So, I went to my chiropractor for some guidance. He said no running. That was a week ago.
In the last week, I have gone through withdrawals, depression, anger, apathy, and “f-this”. It’s like my whole world is coming down. Just cause I can’t do my normal thing. I’ve been to the gym 3 times. My knee feels a lot better, but I’ve already questioned my love of running and whether or not I will ever do it again. I mean, will I? Do I even want too? how quickly I move to and fro.
I do want too. I love running. I love it a lot. I’ve gone on a couple bike rides and it’s just not the same for me. My guess, as if it matters, is I will heal and keep running. Maybe in a week…maybe longer. But until then, I have to rest. and rest is hard. maybe that it was I’m fighting. Maybe that is why I want to play. The idea of rest is just too much. But play is something I know I can handle. Let’s go somewhere and do something and have fun while we go! But rest… just laying on the couch. Or reading a book. Or doing a puzzle. I can’t do that for a week. So I’m not going too! There! Showed you! You!… which I guess in this case is actually me. So There, me. Got you, me.
I don’t even know what I would do for fun right now. Camping always comes to mind… but the truth is… I don’t really like camping that much. If you say, “Rob, would you rather camp in a tent on the top of a mountain, or lay by the pool at a beach resort”… I’m going beach resort. Is there a nice gym? yes? Done. Resort. I love hotels. and I love airplanes, busses, and going. Camping doesn’t involve much going. Just a lot of dirt. Which, I also don’t really like.
So, cheap flight? I don’t have any extra money. How do I replicate that experience? hotel on the beach. Or a hotel anywhere for that matter.
